No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
time to smoke my breakfast
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
