I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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