I think im going to throw up on grandma
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
