Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Boobs are out for the taking
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
