when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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