I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
