I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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