i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
