$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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