I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
