Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is Oprah even human
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
