im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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