he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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