I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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