what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
