guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
