Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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