Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
