you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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