Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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