honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dignity is for republicans.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
where are you?
Hypothermia
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
