May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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