Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
