he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
