Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
