Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
