what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
