Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
