apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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