i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
