I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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