He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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