Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
