You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
