May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
