My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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