i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
