I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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