my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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