life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dick very happy bro
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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