He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
