sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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