OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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