The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
