batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
