my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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