What did we do last night that was yellow?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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