Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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