My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
