I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
