Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
