So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't deserve a penis
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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