Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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