Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
