I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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