tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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