i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
