There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
